This is How I Disappear
by ShadowhuntingAngel
Summary: There is something wrong with Alexander Lightwood. And Magnus is going to find out the hard way. Will Magnus save Alec in time? Or is Alec too far gone? This is a post CoLS two shot. This story is MALEC! Don't like don't read. Rated T for possible character death.
1. Why?

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything. I don't own the title it's borrowed from a My Chemical Romance song. And the chapter name is borrowed from a Secondhand Senrenade song.  
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_**This Is How I Disappear**_

Magnus walked slowly up to his apartment door and unlocked it. It was a week after he had dumped Alec.

But a few days later Alec requested to talk to him, so Magnus arranged to meet Alec at a coffee shop called Ya Mocha Me Crazy. A day later an angry Magnus was sitting and waiting for Alec to come meet him.

Then, Tessa, his old friend, came up to him hugged him and kissed him on the cheek. Magnus invited her to sit down, she accepted. They talked for a while about the old days. All the while Alec was standing a short distance away. Alec went and sat down into the chair farthest away from Magnus. He talked to Magnus for a little while about when Alec could pick up his stuff and how everyone was doing. Magnus was very cold to him and acted as if he didn't care about how Alec was doing or how the rest of "Team Good" was. Feeling awkward, Tessa left, asking Magnus if he would go to dinner with her to catch up, he said he would love to. After that Alec left but not before Magnus told him again to never call him with any of Alec's problems, looking even more down then he was before.

He knew that Alec had come to get his stuff and return his key. Magnus swung the door open carefully. He made his way over to the table closest to the door and found 3 things: Alec's purple sparkly key to Magnus' apartment, a stele (which Magnus immediately identified as Alec's.), and an enveloped cream letter.

Magnus gingerly moved Alec's stele and the key off the letter. He quickly tore open the envelope and unfolded the letter wanting to know what it said. He started reading.

_Magnus—_

_I just wanted to say I'm sorry for what I did. I hope maybe one day you can forgive me for it. But, if you don't, it won't matter. I know I was unwise and naïve to find Camille and ask for her help. I was also selfish. I would have never gone through with it. I could never hurt you. Ever. You know I was told, that I was going to be cast aside by you, as one of your failed relationships, and then finally forgotten, once you were done using me. Was I some kind of brand new toy that you quickly grew bored of? I never wanted to believe that would happen to me but I sure as hell know it now. You will move on (and it looks like your well on your way with that.), find someone new (hopefully that girl, (Tessa, was it?) she was nice), and I will be left broken, unable to move on, like somebody's broken toy that can't be fixed. So, what's the point? What's the point of living like that? There isn't a point. You won't have to worry about the pictures of us that you shoved into your closet. You will be happy to know I threw them away. I left your key on top of this letter and I have taken all of my possessions with me so you won't have any reminders of me (not that you would want them as reminders of one of your tragic loves). Along with the key you will see I have left my stele with you seeing as iratzes do not work on wounds I have. _

_I hope it all works out between you and Tessa or whomever you are happy with in life._

_Love(even if you don't return it),_

_Your Alexander._

Unable to hold back anymore, the usually happy and upbeat High Warlock of Brooklyn, broke down. He made Alec believe that he'd moved on, that's what sent Alec over the edge. Why was he so cold to him? How could he do that to somebody who loved him and who he loved just as much? What should he do?

So many questions flew through his mind, seeming to go at the speed of light.

Should he call Isabelle? Or should he go to the Institute himself? Alec wouldn't hurt himself would he? Where would he go?

Deciding to call Isabelle, he pulled his phone out of his pocket and started dialing. His hand shaking, he put the cell to his ear.

Isabelle finally answered after about 20 seconds.

"Hello?"

"Isabelle?"

"Yeah. Who else would it be, _warlock_?" She spat.

"Isabelle, I know you are angry with me but-" She cut him off.

"Oh no, I'm not angry with you," She told him. "I just never want to see you again, because if I do, I will kill you." She promised, snarling.

"Isabelle, this isn't the time." Magnus heard her take a deep breath like she was going to start yelling at him again. "Isabelle, for god's sake this isn't the time." He interrupted, close to tears. "Alec came by my apartment earlier to drop off his key and get his stuff, but he left a note and it really worries me."

"Why? What did it say?" Isabelle questioned quietly into the phone.

"Isabelle, do you know where he is?" Ignoring her previous question.

"I don't know last time I saw him he was in his room. Let me check." Magnus heard Isabelle's high heels clacking on the hard floors of the Institute fast enough the he knew she was running. Finally, after about 45 seconds or so, there's a creak that Magnus knows is Alec's door opening.

Isabelle gasped and dropped the phone.

"Isabelle! ISABELLE! WHAT HAPPENED?"

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**This will be a two-shot, so don't dismay. Also, it will have an alternate ending.  
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	2. Bleeding Out

**Disclaimer: I own nothing with the exception of the name and idea of the Infernum demons. The chapter title is borrowed from a song by Imagine Dragons.  
**

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**_This Is How I Disappear_**

Alec ducked, averting yet another blow from an Infernum demon. Alec had seen Infernum demons in roughly drawn illustrations in the demon book, but he had never actually seen one in person until now, and there were four of them! The demons were ugly, ash gray, menacing looking creatures with razor-sharp cutting tools in place of arm and hand bones with false skin covering them, otherwise human-looking faces with a third eye in the middle of their foreheads and elongated canine teeth used for ripping flesh, and basically human-like bodies with four remarkably non-human six inch long spikes growing out of their spines.

According to the demon book, Infernum demons once traveled in packs, but they were supposed to be extinct. That was a lie.

"Extinct, my ass." Alec mumbled angrily, slashing at one of the demon's throats with his dagger. The demon promptly tried to twist away to avoid the oncoming sharp Seraph, but failed as the blade effectively found its mark. As it died, the demon quickly transformed into a puff of dusty black ash and slimy black ichor. Most of the powdered demon ash landed on Alec and the other demons, giving Alec a dirty, hobo look. Some of the ichor splashed on the parabatai rune on Alec's forearm, burning his arm and slightly disfiguring the rune.

Alec swore and grabbed his forearm briefly before releasing it to fight off another oncoming demon.

Alec knew he had done something a Shadowhunter should never do - he had deliberately gone hunting and was alone. He was despondent and numb and went hunting because he didn't care anymore. He thought that killing demons might help improve his mood, but oh, how wrong he was! If anything, it made his situation worse, because if he were slashed he wouldn't even feel it. He wanted to feel something, _anything_. He thought that even physical pain would be better than the horrible feeling of nothing.

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"ISABELLE LIGHTWOOD, WHAT HAPPENED!?" Magnus demanded again. Magnus, expecting the worst, slid to the floor, lowered his voice, and whimpered pitifully, "You're scaring me."

Isabelle picked up the phone from the floor and put it to her ear. She let out a shuddering breath. "Oh God, I didn't know it was this bad. There are bottles and pieces of broken glass everywhere and he's not here." She paused. "Wait, there's a note on his desk."

Magnus heard the crunch of broken glass under Isabelle's high heels and the occasional sounds of glass bottles sliding across the wood floor of Alec's bedroom before she reached the desk and he heard the rustling of papers.

"What does it say?" he asked, almost timidly, afraid of what she would tell him.

"It says 'Went hunting and I'll be back at two. If you want to help me hunt, I'll be a few blocks up from the usual place. Bring your stele, I don't have one with me.'" She read quickly.

Then Isabelle finally comprehended what she had just read and asked the only question on her mind at the moment, "What did he mean when he said he didn't have one with him?" Isabelle questioned, incredulously.

"He left it at my apartment." Magnus replied, whispering quietly. "He said he didn't need it because..." He took a deep breath. "It wouldn't heal the wounds he had."

"You son of a bitch!" She snarled angrily. "You'd better find him before I hunt you down and kill you myself. Get me?!"

"Yes, I'm leaving now. Don't worry Isabelle, I will find him", Magnus promised before hanging up the phone. He shoved the phone into his jeans pocket, quickly buttoned up his coat, and ran out the door, not even bothering to lock it.

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"ALEC!" Magnus called out as he swiftly surveyed the dark alleys he was passing. Magnus had been searching for Alec for close to half an hour a few blocks from where the Lightwoods usually hunted as Alec's note had recommended. He still had no luck in finding Alec. He guessed that it was a bit like '_Where's Waldo'_ because he was trying to find a black haired teenager wearing all black in the dark, two hours after sunset, but he could still see because his cat eyes allowed him to see in the dark.

"ALEXANDER!", Magnus called out again, almost tripping on a empty vodka bottle.

'He'd better hope he didn't do something stupid,' Magnus thought to himself as he sped along, glancing into yet another darkened alley and finding nothing. Wait! Not nothing.

"Alec? Is that you?" He called into the darkness.

"Magnus?" A surprised voice answered back, but it was coming from behind him.

Magnus whipped around towards the sound of the voice, his coat whooshing with him. Sure enough, there he was in the alley behind the warlock. The alley was dark (much like the other ones) and strewn with papers, plastic bags, and bottles - a typical New York City back alleyway.

Alec was standing around 20 feet from the mouth of the alley. From what Magnus could see, Alec's hair was disheveled, a layer of ash covered him (making him look filthy), his clothes had multiple burns (probably from demon ichor), but otherwise, he looked 'fixable'.

"Yeah, it's me." Magnus sighed, relieved that he had found Alec.

Because he was so happy to have found Alec, Magnus hadn't noticed that there were three demons shrouded in the darkness behind Alec.

"What are you doing he-" Alec didn't finish his question because one of the sharpened arms of one of the demons pierced him through his stomach. Finally, after what seemed like hours to Magnus (but was really only a few seconds), the demon's sharpened arm exited with a sickening sucking sound.

Alec looked down at his wound with a shocked expression on his face and then looked back up at Magnus before falling to his knees. He clutched the now bleeding hole with what seemed to be a feeble attempt to stop the blood from gushing.

The whole event happened as if everything was in slow motion.

Magnus' newly developed rage stirred within him, making his magic even more powerful. He raised his hands to the hellish creatures. Blue streaks of lightning spread from his fingers toward the demons. Aiming at them, he released all the pain and rage he had racked up during the past few weeks and past couple of seconds.

Magnus Bane, The High Warlock of Brooklyn, destroyed everything in that alley except his precious Alexander and himself.

Running to his love, who laid in the cluttered alleyway, covered in more ash, Magnus stumbled, falling to his knees beside Alec's head.

Alec's eyes were closed, his chest was moving rapidly, and hhis forehead had already started sweating, even in the bitterly cold night. That was not a good sign.

Magnus gingerly placed Alec's head in his lap.

"Come on, stay with me." Magnus cried, gently shaking him. "Alec, wake up."

Alec opened his eyes and blinked up at the warlock as if trying to see through a fog.

"Oh, thank the angel!" He let out a sigh of momentary relief and looked up to the sky.

He snapped his head back down. "You gotta stay with me, okay?"

"Okay." Alec responded weakly, as he tried to level out his breathing.

"Now, I have to look at it." Magnus told him quietly.

Alec imperceptibly nodded, wincing.

Magnus carefully took off his coat without jarring Alec, balled it up, and placed it under Alec's head.

The Shadowhunter moaned. Magnus knew all too well that Shadowhunters have a pretty high tolerance for pain, so a normal person probably would have passed out or died from shock already.

Still on his knees, Magnus leaned over to get a better look at Alec's wound. He pulled out his pink 'bedazzled' Swiss army knife from his pants pocket and slowly began cutting away the blood-soaked black fabric until he could see the gaping quarter sized hole.

Magnus sucked in a breath, surprised and sickened by the gory sight. Magnus quickly rubbed his hands together in order to warm them.

The boy's wound had already gone numb, which was good for Alec then, but might not be in a few minutes.

"'m s-s-so c-c-c-cold." Alec stuttered, teeth chattering. Magnus hadn't noticed before, but there were tears rolling down the eldest Lightwood's cheeks, but otherwise, he was silent.

Magnus got to work using his magic to help heal the wound. This time his magic sprung from his fingers like tiny sparks of blue light instead of the angry blue streaks of lightning. After a few minutes the wound shrunk somewhat, but the warlock was beginning to tire. Magnus saw that the boy was attempting to close his eyes. Two more minutes past, but the hole had not shrunk any more.

Alec noticed that his ex was beginning to lose consciousness while he tried to heal him. Scared at what might happen to Magnus if he kept healing him, he told him quietly, "Magnus stop, you can't keep going, just stop." He sighed. "I've already lost too much blood."

Magnus knew what Alec was telling him. Alec was telling him to let him die.

"No, you're going to be fine," Magnus sobbed pitifully. "I will fix this, just hold on." He nodded so fast Alec thought his head might fall off.

Alec ignored him. "Magnus, do one thing before I go, call Izzy." Magnus noticed how he avoided saying the word 'die'.

"Okay?" Alec added, sighing a bit.

Magnus didn't listen. He put his head in his hands and cried, "I can't give up on you, I love you too much." He body shook with silent sobs.

Alec gave Magnus a 'come on please' look but stopped when he noticed that the warlock could no longer see him and repeated, "Call Izzy. Please."

A few seconds later Magnus nodded, looking up from above his hands.

Magnus slid his brightly colored phone from the back pocket of his jeans.

After all the problems with Alec, Magnus had Isabelle on speed-dial.

Magnus tearfully phoned Alec's sister, telling her what had happened and blamed it all on himself. Isabelle asked where they were. Magnus answered and she replied she would be right there, saying she was just down the road.

The only Lightwood daughter sprinted into the alley less then a minute later, stopped, and dropped to her knees next to Alec.

"Why the hell aren't you healing him?" Isabelle asked incredulously, staring at Magnus with wide eyes.

"There's nothing to heal," Alec responded, lifted his half lidded eyes to rest on his sister. "It isn't fixable."

Isabelle jerked her head back up at Magnus "You have to do something," She shook her head. "You can't just let him die!" The girl hiccuped, tears rolling steadily down her face. "He's all I have left."

"Isabelle he's done all he can," the mortally wounded shadowhunter told her, sighing slightly. "There's nothing left to be done."

Moving back near Alec's head, he looked into the boy's beautiful blue eyes and could already see the life draining from them.

"I'll say hi to Max for you, Iz." He coughed, fresh blood coating his already red stained mouth as he took a shaky breath in before letting it out slowly. "I love you, sis."

"I love you too, Aly." She whimpered, using his childhood nickname that Izzy had created for him when she was two years old and couldn't pronounce his name.

Alec stared almost blindly up at the star filled sky. "I'm scared..." Alec admitted, quietly, as if to himself, trailing off slightly at the end.

Trying to stay strong for her dying brother, Isabelle bit her lip to keep from bawling, but, little by little, her mask and willpower were crumbling.

Alec turned his head slightly to the left and looked up into Magnus's green cat eyes.

"I-I never stopped loving you, but when I go, I want you to mo-move on, get married, have some kids and be happy." The boy smiled tiredly up at Magnus. "Okay?"

Magnus started to shake his head but Alec shushed him.

Magnus finally nodded, but he knew in his heart of hearts that he would never fully recover from the loss of his beloved shadowhunter.

"I love you too." Magnus tried to smile back at him through his tears, his mouth twitched up but only for a second. Magnus paused. "So much."

Alec managed to give Magnus a tired smile. Finally, Alec's pain-stricken face relaxed, and his eyes fluttered shut. His chest rose once more before falling and ceasing to move again.

And that was the sad and terrible end to Alexander Lightwood's life.

Isabelle let out a heart breaking sob and leaned her head against the freezing cinder block wall behind her. "It's not fair." She wrapped her arms around her body, in an attempt to keep herself together physically because mentally, she was falling apart.

Magnus kissed his soul mate's forehead and held him, weeping quietly. Waiting.

Waiting for the end he wanted to come for so long.

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**Sorry it took me so long to write this chapter. It's been a crazy few months. My grandma (who lived with us) fell and broke her hip 5 months ago and she was recovering pretty well. Then her nutrition stats fell quickly, she got pneumonia, and passed away on March 4th. I was very close with her and it's been really hard. But, I will start trying to write more and update faster. Anyway enough about that, tell me if you liked this chapter, hated it, or think that I should rewrite it, I want to know. There will be a sequel to this called 'Ghost of You', so look for that in the coming weeks. I will also be writing an alternate ending that will be set 6 years in a future in which Alec survived, for those of you who aren't happy with this ending. (There are bound to be a few. Or more then a few...) I want to thank Musical Teardrops for helping me write this and helping me come up with the title. *hands a Ritz cracker package***


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